the farewell was painful and the following journey long.
the reasons for the seperation were varied, but non of them made it more easy. there was hope for her to handle it without shedding tears. she managed not to show him, but later, when she was alone, eating in the dhaba in bikaner, when she was touched in her face by a stranger in passing by, when she was called by him, when she was in the train to jammu lying awake in the night, in the morning, while midday, in the afternoon and when the evening came. the tears came. from jaisalmer she took the train to bikaner. there she waited from evening till after midnight for the connection to jammu. she left the dry and sandy desert areas of rajasthan, went through the fertile fields of the punjab, where the weed was shining gold, people were working on the fields, carried big boundles of the fruits on their head and shoulders, ride the cycle jolly into the day. she didn´t know if the people were jolly, but riding bike in the countryside she always brought in connection with happynes. in this moment she was not happy, but was not jealous about their happines. she was just wondering how people could be happy. she asked herself why she does what she does. there was no sense anymore for her to be where she was. because she saw no sense in the things she was doing in this moment, she saw no sense anymore in her dreams, in her way to be, in this kind of life. there was no reason to be. but when the second evening was rising and the sun was on her way to set, the train emptied and was rumbling very loud that it was quite hard to understand the young consoling man with whom she was in a conversation. her view was switching between his face and the picture in the window. she caught the first sight on the gigantic mountains of the himalaya. she loves the desert. desert is hardness, hostility, silence, darkness, simplicity, pureness. desert gives her balance, calm, reflection, self-examination. she loves the desert and she also loves the mountains. mountains are full of life, fertility, cheerfulnes, vitality, vividness. the mountains gives her motivation, ideas, inspiration, confidence. she saw the contours, the snowwhite tops of the himalya and felt all of this. and she attained again the certainty to do the right thing.